Iris Spence Transcript

[00:00:00] Terry: All right, guys. Well, I am super excited because on today's episode, I'm talking with bass player, singer, dancer from Christafari, Iris Spence. Iris, thank you so much for coming on the show. 
[00:00:13] Iris: Yeah, no problem. Of course. 
[00:00:15] Terry: This was really cool how God connected us. You guys came, uh, all the way to Isle, Minnesota, little Isle, Minnesota for Rural Music Fest back in August.
And man, as you guys were on stage, first of all, I'll be honest. I never heard of Christ if far I before, and I left that whole event, Iris blown away at what you guys did on that stage for what probably an hour and a half, I think you guys were up there. Um, just blown away at the passion that all of you guys had for the gospel and just reaching people, uh, for Jesus through music.
And there was something about you, Iris, that just kind of stood out to me as you were on stage, like there was something just in your spirit. And your countenance, like there's this joy, there was this piece that was just, it seemed infectious. And, uh, I just, I just felt like I was supposed to reach out to you and quickly got to connect with you back in, uh, backstage, just as you were on your way out from, uh, I think getting dinner, I was on my way in, but reached out to you here on social media.
And here we are. I know you have, uh, an amazing testimony, Iris. And so, uh, thank you for being willing to, to come on and share it. 
[00:01:27] Iris: Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. 
[00:01:30] Terry: So let's, let's get into it, Iris. We always start way at the beginning. Tell us about where did you grow up and what was family life like for you?
[00:01:39] Iris: Okay. Where did I grow up? Yeah. So, um, so to just start this off, I was adopted at a young age. Um, so my biological mom, she was a drug addict. Um, she was bisexual. Um, she slept around all these things. Um, so she had a friend, And that friend took me and a couple of my siblings in and then some other kids that weren't, weren't my, weren't my biological siblings.
, and so, yeah, oh, so I lived in Philadelphia, , for about seven years of my life and then my adopted mom passed away and then, um, her sister took some of us kids in and we moved to New Jersey. , the plan was for us to stay together, but, um, my. My aunt, my adopted aunt at the time, so her sister, um, she was like 58 at the time.
And so her daughter actually was like, Mom, I don't think, you know, you're, you, you can handle all these kids. So like, let's, let's split them up. So, , some of us went to Georgia and then some of us stayed in, in New Jersey. , I was a part of the crew that stayed in New Jersey. And so it was me, , Three of my other siblings, and then my other brother, Nate.
Um, but for about three years, um, or yeah, three years, two of my siblings, um, were in foster care. And so my, my mom now, so my adopted aunt, um, she had to fight to adopt them. , and, um, her sister didn't have a chance to adopt them when we were younger cause she passed away. And so, um, yeah, her sister was obedient to God and just adopted them.
Um, anyway, so grew up in New Jersey. , we were introduced to a church. Um, I remember one day, uh, me and my siblings, we were just, You know, in the house and our mom is like, Hey, uh, do you guys want to be a part of the choir? And I'm like, sure, I guess, like, I don't know. And I think when I started to become a part of the church in that way, it gave me an interest for music.
I think that's when I first started being interested in singing and different things like that. And so, you know, grew up in church, we would sing in the choir. I would even usher. I would help out, um, with the trustees, so like the money and everything, um, just kind of seeing how they do things and kind of being under their wing in a, in a sense.
, and I would praise dance as well. , and then some Sundays I would play drums. , so yeah, grew up in church, but I didn't know that Jesus was like a relationship. , and so my mom, she was, she is a Christian, was a Christian and is a Christian. Um, but her husband. Was not and is not, um, he was in the military.
He was very stern, very. You know, very loud when it came to, to, to speaking to us, but that's just his nature. That's just how he is and how he grew up. , and so, yeah, in the household, um, I grew up with five siblings in the house, , and then two adults, um, Husband and wife. And um, yeah, it was, it was a struggle just because when I was 16, 15, 16, I struggled with depression, anxiety, , and even harming myself sometimes.
And so, um, it was, it was, it was a lot going on when I was a junior in high school. Um, and still at the time, I knew that God was, you know, was real. I knew that he was, he was a thing and all this stuff. Um, but I didn't know that Jesus was a personal relationship. , so yeah, that's, that's kind of how I grew up and, and how faith was introduced to me, you know, at, as a kid, as a young age, um, or at a young age, uh, So, yeah, 
[00:05:25] Terry: yeah, that, that, that's amazing.
What, uh, and there's a lot to unpack there, Iris. So, so let's, let's go back a little bit. So you were adopted and was that like, you know, were you adopted right at birth or do you have any idea of how old you were like when you were adopted? 
[00:05:42] Iris: Yeah. So when I was a young, I think, I think I was adopted probably when I was two years of age.
[00:05:49] Terry: Okay. 
[00:05:50] Iris: I know that. Uh, like as a baby, probably a couple of months old or something. Um, but I think officially adopted at like the age of two or something. 
[00:06:02] Terry: Gotcha. And I'm curious, like in the years since then, have you had any contact with biological mom or even biological dad? 
[00:06:12] Iris: So I've never known my dad. Um, my biological mom doesn't even know who my dad is.
I believe she struggled with, uh, bipolar, um, schizophrenia, you know, all those things that kind of drugs do to you, the mental state and everything. Um, so I've never known about my dad, never have met him, but my biological mom, um, I remember when I first moved to New Jersey, uh, she, she reached out, , and pres Somehow some way like we had her number or something and I remember her just like saying she wants to reunite with us She wants that she wants to see us and all this stuff And yeah, I probably talked to her maybe Six months ago.
Yeah, the last time I talked to her on the phone And I think she's still struggling with drugs. She's still struggling with, , just different things. And, um, uh, there, there actually came a point in time where, um, I had just given my life to Jesus like officially, , at the age of 17. And I remember the Lord just like convicting my heart of forgiveness.
And I didn't realize that I held unforgiveness towards her. , until like the Lord brought it up. And so I'm like, why, why, why do I need to forgive her Lord? Like, you know, she, she left us and you know, she chose drugs over us and all this stuff. And I felt like the Lord said, this is not for her, but this is for you.
And this is for what I want to do in you. And so, um, yeah, I had to let go of, um, unforgiveness and bitterness, um, that I didn't know I had towards her. , and so, and, and also it wasn't just that one day. That I forgave her. Um, the Lord continuously reminds me that it's a, it's a daily process, the daily dying to self for me.
, and as believers, as Christians, we are to die to ourselves daily as the, as the Bible says, and to take up our cross and to follow Jesus. , when it comes to forgiving people, especially those of the past and family members, I mean, family members are probably the most, like, the, the most people that, that would get under your skin.
Right. And so, um, but my biological mom, I've never, I think I met her when I was a kid. , I have like vague memories, but I don't, I don't really remember her, remember her all that much. , I just, yeah, so, so yeah, so the Lord, uh, he, he led me to just continuously forgive her and to, um, yeah, just say, you know, I love you because Christ loves me and I know he loves you.
And, um, yeah. Yeah, and and I actually I was able to talk with someone who was in my mom's position and who is now a follower of Jesus She was just saying like you don't have to expect a relationship with her But you can still be in like contact with her and still like talk with her and I I just you know after giving my life to Jesus and and having Every now and then communication with my biological mom.
, I have just been like, you know what, Lord, my life is yours. And whatever you want to do through me to reach my family and break generational curses, let your will be done because, um, You know, I, I struggle with homosexuality, um, and I, we didn't touch on that yet, but I struggle with homosexuality and I realized, and I found out that my biological mom struggled with, uh, homosexuality.
, and so, yeah, I, I just know that there's this generational curse that needs to be broken and, um, I'm here for it. So, 
[00:09:57] Terry: yeah. Yeah, that is amazing Iris. I love, I think it just goes to show that the faith and the confidence that you have in the Lord, right? Like, you know, and just taking a stand that, Hey, this stuff ends with me.
You know, no more in my family line. Is this stuff going to continue? And, uh, when it comes to your dad, I mean, you mentioned that you've You really don't even know who your dad is. What has that been like throughout your life of, of just not having that information of, of maybe kind of feeling like there's a piece of your life missing by not knowing dad, what, what's that been like for you?
[00:10:32] Iris: For me, it's, it's. Before Jesus, of course, it was really tough, um, because I'm, I mean, the entire, my entire life, as much as I can remember, I've always asked the question, why? Why was, why am I here? Why did I get sent here? Uh, why, why am I alive? What is my purpose? Um, what is the reason To this and this. And I would just always ask the question, why?
Um, and then I realized children ask that question all the time. Like, you know, you tell a child to do and they're like, why, you know, they want to reason reason behind it. And so for me, not knowing my dad and not having that, um, information. Uh, I, I, I felt lost. I felt like I wouldn't know my purpose. I wouldn't know who I am because I don't know my, my, my family.
I don't know my, my, where I come from, you know, my origin basically. Um, and you know, I always, But me and my siblings, we would always joke and say like, Oh, maybe, maybe you do this because your dad was like this. Or maybe I, you know, love basketball because my dad loved basketball, you know, all these little things that we're finding out about ourselves.
We start to kind of connect that with maybe our dad was like this, or maybe our mom was like this. Um, and so, yeah, so to answer your question, it was definitely rough for me. Yeah, it was just rough just not knowing who he was or anything like that and then coming to Christ Dealing with those thoughts coming to Christ and then afterwards.
I think I started to realize like my worth and my identity is not found in my earthly parents. My identity is found in God. And that may sound very cliche because people are like, you know, just because you don't know your, your earthly dad, like you have your heavenly father. And yeah, like, but when I say like, it is so true, it is so true.
And it's been so rich for me. Um, and, and just so tangible, I can say, um, Just with knowing that, that God is, is, is the best dad that I could ever have. Um, you know, he wants to give me good gifts. He wants to give me these, these things. Um, even these desires that I have inside of me, he's placed these inside of me.
And without even knowing my, my mom or my dad or whoever, um, even if I've never met either one of them, um, I know what the word says. And the word says that he's knit me in my mother's womb. So, which means he, he's known me before the foundation of the world. And so God knows me more than my earthly parents could ever know me.
And so I've been in what the word says and what Jesus has done on the cross. And, um, Yeah, 
[00:13:28] Terry: I love it. I love it, Iris. And, and I love how, yeah, like, like you said, you realize that as great as any parent may be for, for any child on this earth, they will always pale in comparison to Jesus and, and to God is our heavenly father.
Right. And, um, like you said, yeah, that maybe sounds cliche as far as like, well, I don't know my earthly father, but I know my heavenly father, but man, think about the power of that statement, right. To know your heavenly father, to know your maker, you know, to know that because that you have value and you have worth, man, come on.
I, I love it, Iris. And so let's, let's kind of pick up the story here. So you were adopted. Uh, you lived in Philadelphia until how old were you, Iris? 
[00:14:14] Iris: Till 
[00:14:15] Terry: seven years old. Okay. And then you got into a situation where some of you and your siblings went to New Jersey and some of you, uh, some of your siblings went to, uh, what was the other place in Georgia, Georgia.
Okay. What was that like for you, Iris kind of, you know, having to go through that split from your siblings. And did you, uh, at that age, like, did you get a choice into which place you wanted to go to, or tell us about that? What was that like for you? 
[00:14:42] Iris: So, uh, so yeah, so that, that was tough for us because as kids, you know, uh, we, we just wanted to stay together.
, up until I was seven, you know, I've, I've, I've only known my siblings to just be with them always. Um, and so it was, it was definitely devastating for us as kids. Um, so, uh, I guess the parents chose to every, every holiday, every summer or whatever, we would try to either we go to Georgia or they come to New Jersey.
And more. More often of the time we would go to Georgia until we would make this 13 to 16 hour drive from New Jersey to Georgia every summer and just spend the summer there, spend like a month and a half there. Um, but every time we would have to split and leave, uh, we would just cry and cry and cry and cry.
And it was, it was really tough on us. It was really hard. Um, and every time we did see each other, uh, me and my siblings, We would always, the entire time of being together, we would always try to come up with a game plan to get the parents to say yes to us living together again. And so no matter, you know, what year it was, no matter their answer the first time, like we always, we persevered.
We kept asking, kept seeking, kept knocking on the door. The door was never open. It, you know, looking back, I, I, I believe it wasn't God's will for that to happen. Um, and he wanted us to be where we were. , and so yeah, only God knows, uh, you know, what would have happened if we would have lived together and all this stuff.
, but yeah, it was, it was actually really rough on, on us kids. , because we, you know, we just wanted to be together. We just wanted to live together again and, um, we hated that we were split apart. But, uh, looking back, I know God works all things for the good of those who love him. And so, yeah. 
[00:16:33] Terry: Yeah. Yeah.
What's your relationship like with your siblings now, specifically, maybe the siblings that you spent most of your childhood, uh, apart from? Yeah. 
[00:16:44] Iris: Yeah. So, my relationship with them We're not close close, but some of my, so my siblings that I, that I grew up with majority of my life now in New Jersey. Um, some of us are close.
Some of us are not as close. Um, because I'm living for Christ and they're not. Um, and so, you know, when you come to God and you come to the reality of the gospel, , it can be tough because I think some people think, Oh, you think you're better or whatever. Um, and yeah, my siblings, uh, they haven't fully surrendered all to Christ and I'm, I'm praying for their salvation.
I'm praying for, for God to really grab ahold of their hearts. Um, And so my relationship with my siblings isn't where I would like it to be, , but I'm every day I'm just praying that, you know, God would show me how to, you know, just navigate the relationship with them now. Um, when we were younger, we were really close, , you know, we would, I mean, but some of my siblings, we are still close.
We laugh. We, we, you know, we chat, we talk about life, um, But that doesn't mean we can't like respect each other, right? And so I know my one sister, Janelle, uh, she, you know, she shares her life with me. I share my life with her and, you know, we still, we still talk. We still, um, actually the other day, she just asked me to pray for her.
Um, she said, hey, when you wake up, like, can you, can we pray together? And I was like, whoa, like, okay. All right. Do this. I'm here for this. Um, and so yeah, that just, uh, it, uh, it, it definitely put a smile on my face and my heart. Um, so I was really happy about that. Um, and yeah, and then my other siblings, , I'm not as close with, but I still love them and, , they love me.
I know. And, um, Yeah, and I haven't lived in New Jersey for three years now because I've been in California, a part of this mission and everything, um, with Christ of our eyes. So every now and then I'll go home, um, whether it's for Christmas, like last year I went home for Christmas. Um, and yeah, so, 
[00:18:49] Terry: wow, well, it sounds like God's definitely moving, uh, in your family with your siblings.
I mean, like you said, how encouraging that your sister Janelle was just like, Hey, can you pray for me? And um, sounds like, sounds like kind of what you're doing, Iris is really just being sensitive to what the Holy Spirit is, is telling you to do and leading you to do is, is in regards to like showing, uh, His love for them.
Right. You know, I know I work as a marriage and family therapist, and I've, I've had a whole lot of clients where they're kind of in that position that, that you're in, where they're maybe kind of the only believer in their family. And they, they maybe take the opposite approach as far as just kind of like trying to shove it down.
People's throats as far as just like, you need to live this way and do this. Cause it's been amazing for me and heart intention is good, but the delivery probably isn't the greatest. And so it sounds like you've been really, uh, just listening to the Holy spirit as far as just letting him lead you and guide you into how can you best love and minister to your family?
[00:19:47] Iris: Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's definitely been, it's been a journey for sure. Um, and, and I'm just trusting God with them. I'm trusting God with them. With, with what he wants to do and how he wants to reveal himself to them. Um, and honestly, like in the beginning, um, I think, I think I have this, I realize I have this, uh, this desire, this, this passion for the word of God.
And so I would like, I would like say the word of God to them, you know, and say all these things, but not preaching at them, um, but they would find it offensive. They would, they would, you know, take offense to it. Um, and then after a while, the Lord just said, just live your life. With me just live your life with me and and i'll i'll touch their hearts through that.
So now i'm just just living my life Um allowing god to lead me and and guide me Um, and i'm not perfect by any means i'm I don't I don't know everything. Um, but i'm just You know, I'm just praying that my testimony and my life lived would be, you know, a hope for them. 
[00:20:48] Terry: Amen. Amen. It reminds me of a phrase and I forget where it originates, but you know, to share Jesus with everybody and if necessary, use words, right?
So I mean, to, to like, to, to what you were saying there, I was just living your life for Jesus, right? Like letting your actions speak louder than your words and, um, being. Kind of that Bible for people, right? You know, we may be the only Bible that people read. And so, um, sounds like, yeah, it's like you said, it's been a journey, but that obedience to, to the Holy spirit and just carrying out his will for your life is, is so evident as I'm talking to you, Iris and going back to making that move.
So, yep, you're, you're separated from a lot of your siblings. You go to the New Jersey crew. And what was that like going from Philly to Jersey? I know like distance wise, it's not a huge. Move. But like, as far as just like culturally, you know, schools, things like that. Like, what was that transition like for you?
[00:21:47] Iris: Yeah. So, uh, wow. So yeah. Uh, moving from Philadelphia to New Jersey, if, if, if anyone knows anything about Philly and Jersey, they are like right there. And so, um, from where I lived and to where I moved to, it was maybe like a 40 minute drive just across the bridge, sometimes 30 minutes without traffic. Um, and so it wasn't, wasn't that far distance wise, like you said.
Um, but yeah, I had to change schools at the time I was. In, uh, second grade going onto going into third grade. Um, and so I remember going into school and my, my best friend in third grade, , I remember her telling me, like, when I first came to the school, I didn't talk to anyone. , I was very quiet and before moving to New Jersey, I wasn't like that.
My older sister would say, , , in kindergarten to second grade, I would literally walk up to anyone on the playground and be like, Hey, my name's Iris, like, what's yours. You want to be friends, you know, and just like open up and just talk. , And so I think a part of me shut down because of my mom passing away, this whole big move, you know, a seven year old kid, you know, just have this whole life switch.
Um, and also dealing with knowing that I'm adopted and having all these different things. And yeah. , and also I know some people don't grow up knowing they're adopted, but, uh, me and my siblings, we grew up knowing we knew the entire time that we were adopted. Um, and so, yeah, so I moved to Jersey and, um, culturally it was, it wasn't that different.
, it was kind of, but not, not really. So I, I grew up in the city, uh, in Philadelphia. Um, but when I moved to Jersey, I moved more to the suburbs. And so. It was quieter, , and Philadelphia, it was, it was loud, you know, we lived on a main street where people would come off the bridge and stuff. So, um, it was always cars coming and people talking or whatever.
Um, and then on the weekends, you would spend weekends down in, uh, North Philadelphia. Um, this play called Nice Town. And so it was very ghetto, very, , hood as, as you can, if, if I can say that. Um, and yeah. So it was just, yeah, very ghetto, very just, , drug addicts walking the streets. Sometimes they would walk into the house, you know, as I just remember as a kid, drug addicts walking into the house and, um, just anyone just, just letting them in and yeah.
Um, and so Jersey was definitely different because it was, um, it was a change. It was a big change. Um, I remember walking in just thinking, wow, this house is really clean. It's really smells good. Like all this stuff. Um, and my mom and daddy did a great job with raising us. So kudos to them. Um, I really, for my mom and dad, , yeah.
And just taking us in because they had two kids that grew up and moved out and everything. Um, and so they didn't have to take us in. , but my mom said she felt like God was telling her to, and so she wanted to be obedient to the Lord. And so, yeah. Um, yeah. That's kind of how it happened. Um, the transition was hard for me as a kid.
, but as time went on and as time passed, I kind of, you know, adapted to, to change. 
[00:25:06] Terry: Yeah. Yeah. And, and you hit on a couple of things that I wanted to ask about too, as far as, did you know that you were adopted or when did you know that you were adopted? It sounds like that was just something that was open ever since that you could remember.
[00:25:19] Iris: Yeah. Yeah. Ever since I was a kid. Um, we've, yeah, I don't think it was ever, I don't even remember finding out I was adopted. I just, I just know that I've always known as a kid. So, 
[00:25:32] Terry: and then, uh, you know, kind of the big thing that I skipped over there was, was your mom passing, right? You know, the whole reason why you had to move to New Jersey.
What was that like? You know, seven years old, you're losing your, your mom figure, you know, your mother figure. Uh, I can't even imagine. you know, what, what that would have been like for you. Can you kind of tell us how you navigated through that Iris? 
[00:25:54] Iris: Yeah. So let me think. Um, so I was seven years of age when she passed away.
Um, I just remember, uh, I have really bad memories actually. So I remember this one time. , I guess, I guess my, my brain can't remember all because I was seven. And so most of my memory with her was from baby till seven. Um, but I remember this one time, uh, she was helping me with homework and I remember she got up.
And all of a sudden she just fainted. She just passed out on the floor. And I'm like, what is going on here? And later on the ambulance comes and they take her out and all this stuff and then from I remember from that point on every weekend we would go to Jersey and spend the weekend in Jersey. , and I would see my mom getting sicker and sicker and sicker.
, and I remember her She would, I remember one time we visited her in the hospital and I remember she was offering me her jello, um, in the hospital. And I remember her telling her, I remember telling her about school that day and how, you know, I, I, I didn't like using the public bathrooms and I, I didn't want to do that anymore and all this stuff.
Um, But yeah, so when she passed away, it was, it was really rough because, um, she was the only, uh, I guess, woman in my life besides my adopted older sister, Jasmine, , who at the time I kept saying, I want to be like you. I want to be like you. I want to be like you. Um, and so I would really look up to my sister a lot when I was a kid.
, yeah. And I think that had to do a lot with my mom getting sick and not really seeing her around as much anymore because she would really be in the hospital most of the time. Um, and by the way, she passed away from Hodgkin's lymphoma, , cancer. And so, um, that kind of took over her body. Um, and yeah.
So when I was seven, she passed away. , and I remember actually we had, we had to ride in the limousine, , to and from the funeral. And I remember my second grade class wrote me all these little letters to me saying how they're, they, they hope that I get better soon and they're sorry for my loss and all these things.
Um, and. My mom from New Jersey, uh, her friend at the time was in the limo with me, and she was helping me read, read the letters and stuff, so, yeah, um, yeah, it was definitely rough for sure, um, but I don't remember a whole bunch of things, uh, um, about my mom, but I do know that she watched, like, Some like Christian stuff on TV or something about God and stuff.
I remember that as a kid And actually we lived right across the street from a church. I mean, I think it was a United Methodist Church I mean, I remember going there maybe one time throughout my entire seven years of living in Philadelphia. So 
[00:29:04] Terry: yeah Wow, man. I, again, like it's, it's hard for anybody at any age to lose their parent, right?
Let alone seven years old. Like, you know, I, I don't know if we can fully grasp at that age, like what death is, what loss is. And so before you know it, here you are, you know, being split apart from your siblings, you're going to Jersey. A lot of other ones are going to Georgia. And it sounds like. It was maybe helpful that you already had like a preexisting relationship with your new adoptive mom, you know, your adoptive aunt.
Um, again, as a marriage and family therapist, I work with a lot of blended families and I I'm curious, Iris, from your perspective, what did your adoptive mom in Jersey do to kind of help you with that transition? You know, not only moving, you know, to, to a different place, but also with the, the mourning, the grieving.
of your mom. Can you identify anything that she did that just really helped you throughout that transition? 
[00:30:06] Iris: I don't know exact what she did to help us through that, but I do know that she was a Christian. She is a Christian. And like I said, when she introduced, Introduce church to us. Um, you know, I, I, I think, I think that was her way of saying, okay, I have a God, and I want to introduce this God to you guys.
And so, um, I think I think in her mind at that time, , she was thinking, okay, I know what God did for me. So I know what God can do for these kids. Um, and so, yeah, she, she would take us to church every Sunday. Um, you know, and you know, as kids, we don't want to be told what to do ever. And so, You know, we're, we're just thinking about, okay, what's for lunch.
You know, I want to have McDonald's at church. Will mom say yes this time, you know, just different things like that. And so, um, yeah, so I think, I think the transition, um, for my mom and, and dad, , I think they, yeah, well, my mom, my, my mom was the Christian. My dad was not. And so he never came to church with us, but, um, I do know that my mom has, has been praying for us, um, for a while.
, So yeah, I think that was her way of kind of helping us transition, helping us in that sense. So yeah, I can't really pinpoint any specifics, uh, per se. , but I do know, I remember in third grade, um, my teacher called my mom and asked if I could see a counselor in school because I wouldn't talk to anyone.
Um, and so I remember, uh, her saying yes, I, I would want her to. And so I started to talk to, um, That's counselor and in my, in my school in third grade. So yeah, but yeah, I can't really pinpoint any specific things that that has happened in my life since moving to Jersey. Um, except for the fact that, um, my mom grew us up in Christian traditions and different things like that.
So 
[00:32:02] Terry: sure. Sure. Which is huge, right? Which, which really is, you know, the best foundation. You, you mentioned talking to a counselor in third grade and, and yeah, when you made that move, you were kind of the quiet, you know, one in, in school. At what point did you feel like you kind of started to break out from that and started to become more social again?
[00:32:22] Iris: Maybe fourth grade. Um, so ending of third grade, beginning of fourth grade, I think I started to break out of my shell in a sense. , I started to, you know, become more. More myself again, I guess. I don't know. Um, yeah, I, I, I definitely know that, , now that I'm looking back, I know that God had his hand on my life even then, you know, um, and it's, it's just really cool to, to see how God works.
In all these different ways, you know, when you look back on your life, um, but yeah, I, I would say probably fourth, fourth grade. , I think I, I started to break more and then fifth grade, of course, was, you know, I, I started to talk to people more, but I was still very shy. I dealt with insecurities. I dealt with, um, just overthinking and all this stuff.
I remember as a kid, I just. I would just overthink. I would, I would hate my clothes. I would hate my hair. I would hate everything about myself. Um, and you know, I would always think, wow, like I want to be like the popular girls in school and I want to be like them and they dress better than I do. And, you know, comparison as kids.
And so, um, and then that even And spread into my adulthood, um, with comparing myself to, um, this person and that person and whatever. So, yeah, 
[00:33:46] Terry: yeah, yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, we we've all gone and played the comparison game, right. And nobody seems to win that game, right. Cause we're either, you know, up here looking down at somebody or we're down here looking up at somebody and neither one feels Good.
And, uh, and, and so here you are, yeah, getting fully acclimated into life in Jersey, you're introduced, uh, to the church and, and to Jesus. And it sounds like pretty early on, you kind of caught that music bug. And, you know, you said that you were in the choir and you, you play drums. And so is, I mean, I don't know if you even know this, but like, as far as like your biological family goes, do you know if there was like anybody that was in the music?
You know, within that or any of your biological siblings that are into music or where, where did your giftings for music come from? Other than of course, Jesus. 
[00:34:37] Iris: Right. Yeah. Um, so when I was about, I think 19, no, maybe 2021. Um, I remember me and my siblings who I grew up with in New Jersey. Uh, we found some of our other siblings, um, through this paper that my mom had.
And, uh, I looked, I looked up one of the names on Facebook and I found this one guy. And then, then it led to these other, these other, um, so our other siblings and different things. And so I found out one of my brothers, he's a dancer and he loves music. , He's not loving for Christ. He's not dancing for Christ.
He's not, you know, singing for Christ, but I realized he really loves dancing as well, just like me and my one brother Shahi. Um, and so I found that really interesting. I'm like, wow, like we didn't even grow up with each other and, and he found a love for dance and we have a love for dance. So, um, I found that really cool.
Um, so yeah, 
[00:35:34] Terry: very cool. Very cool. And, and yeah, you mentioned you, you know, got into dance and, uh, I don't know if it was cause your church had a dance ministry or what it was. How did you get into dance Iris? 
[00:35:46] Iris: Yeah, so, um, so actually I give all props to my brother, uh, Shahi. Um, we would watch this show growing up called Shake It Up.
And, uh, if you know anything about Shake It Up and Disney Channel, I mean, people can say what they want about Disney Channel and it being evil and, you know, I have my, my theories or whatever. But anyways, uh, So it was a dancing TV show for, for teenagers. And so I really like got into that and I'm like, wow, this is really cool.
I would like try to learn the dance moves and stuff. And my brother, he would like be dancing a lot. And so, um, Then he, he kind of encouraged me to start dancing. And so we started dancing together and yeah, it became this, this whole thing, this way of bonding with my brother. Actually. Um, I remember one time we wanted to enter into like this dance competition.
And so I started, I choreographed something with him and, um, yeah, it was just, it was super cool, super fun. Um, but yeah, my church, , had a praise dance team, , and I just got on it. Then, uh, when I was maybe 10 or 11 years old, I started, um, and I think I stopped when I was, when I moved out and I went to college, that was maybe age of 18.
I stopped dancing at the church. So yeah. And when I gave my life officially to Jesus, um, my last time dancing at church was probably 2018. Um, and I just did like a, just a solo thing, uh, kind of improv freestyle, um, dance, but, um, yeah. 
[00:37:24] Terry: That's awesome. That's awesome. I, uh, I don't have a dancing bone in my body and I always think it's really cool when people are good dancers.
And, uh, I mean, yeah, I obviously seen you guys in concert, saw you dance there, but then, uh, just on your social media pages, you know, you've posted some dances that you've done and. Holy cow, girl, like you, you can move like that. It is amazing to see that talent that you have for that. And, uh, even more amazing that you're using it for the Lord.
And, you know, you said that, you know, yeah, you grew up in the church while you were in Jersey, but you didn't know. That, you know, it was about having a relationship with Jesus. And, you know, I grew up Catholic and, and kind of the same deal there where I just thought it was religion. I thought it was following rules in order to make God happy.
So was, was that what it was for, for you as far as like what faith meant at that point in your life? Or what, what was faith for you before you found out that it was relationship with Jesus? 
[00:38:22] Iris: Yeah. So for me, if you know anything about black church, it's all about like feelings, emotions, uh, replying back to the preacher, you know, um, kind of like this church and go, you know what I mean?
So, um, it, it was very much, uh, seeing and doing, um, it wasn't necessarily. Um, and so I, I would see it, I would do it, but I, I didn't believe it. I realized I didn't believe it. And I, I think too, growing up in, in, in a Baptist church, um, it didn't become real to me until, , I was invited to a conference, uh, my, what, uh, my best friend, one of my best friends, Nelsa.
She invites me to this conference in New York, and I heard the gospel preached in a way I've never heard it preached before. , and they were talking about healings, and miracles, and signs, and all this stuff. And I'm like, that can happen? What's going on here? Um, and so saying, you know, like how Jesus can still heal today.
all this stuff. And then I kind of went down the road of the prosperity gospel. And then God had to like, you know, hit me with the, that's not it. And so then kind of refocused myself, um, and to his word and what his word says, um, and, and, you know, what his whole deal with is in, in sufferings. Um, because in my, when I first gave my life to Jesus, when I was 17, , I had this belief system of, If you know Jesus and you have a relationship with him, that means you don't need to suffer.
We are called to live a life of wealth and health and all this stuff. But I started to realize that in Hebrews 5, it talks about Jesus suffering and it talks about Jesus learning obedience through the things that he suffered. And so if I know that my savior My Lord has suffered on the cross has suffered in many ways What like who do I think I am, you know to not have to suffer here on earth and not even that But jesus has already suffered and paid all the price on the cross And so the things that we go through here on earth Is nothing compared to one what jesus suffered and what he he bore for us but two what is to yet be revealed to us when he comes back and so Um I find so much hope in, in, in, in the word and what Jesus says.
And, um, Just, you know, knowing that through sufferings like Jesus really speaks and he speaks to you in that, in that suffering. Um, and no suffering is in vain. All suffering is, is, is, you know, to, to grow you closer to Jesus. And so, 
[00:41:16] Terry: yeah. Wow. Well, what, what an encounter that it sounds like you had, uh, with the Lord.
And I want to get more into that, but I think there, there's a piece here that we, we got to fully flesh out to, to get the full context here. You mentioned earlier that homosexuality was, was, is part of your story, right? And, you know, you mentioned your mom was bisexual and you were in that lifestyle for a little while.
So tell us about that, Iris. 
[00:41:42] Iris: Yeah, so this is my favorite thing to talk about, just because of, uh, what the world is going through right now, um, as in the culture, as in the LGBTQ community, um, and you know, people thinking that it's right and it's this and it's that. Anyway, so for me, , I noticed a, a, a same sex attraction back when I was maybe 11, 12 years old.
Um, I think more so 12 years old. Um, I remember feeling this, this, this way that, you know, uh, girls feel for guys and I started to feel that for girls and I'm like, you know, in, in my mind, I'm thinking this is wrong and I've never acted on it, but I, I still felt that, you know, and I would question, I would do all these things, um, you know, ask why, why, why am I feeling this?
Why, you know, why do I have this? Desire for woman, you know, um, and so fast forward, um, give my life to Jesus. , And I go to school and when I go to school, I actually start to, uh, stop reading my word daily, I stopped journaling daily, um, and at that time I was journaling a lot when I first gave my life to Jesus, that was like my way of just praying to him and talking to him and communing with the father and just all this stuff because I had, I had time.
Um, I worked at a movie theater for a little bit, but in my free time, I would just spend time with God, like, just get to know more about who he is and what he's called me to do and be and all these things, um, and the hope that I had in Jesus. And so anyways, um, I remember, um, Yeah, so when I was in college, um, I fell into sin.
I fell into a homosexual relationship. I've never lived the homosexual lifestyle as other people do. You know, they go to gay pride parades and they, you know, have the rainbow flag and wear rainbow and all this stuff. I've never, um, engaged in that, but, , I did have a girlfriend, um, for four months and the entire time the Lord is telling me to get out of that.
The entire time the Lord is like, get out of that, get out of that, get out of that. And um, You know, I start to question my faith. I start to question God. I start to question myself, start to question her, all this, it was just a lot of questioning going on and I even started to think, am I a real Christian?
I started to read verses in Romans 1 where it talks about, , people started to worship the creature, the creation rather than the creator. And, um, God gave them up to their own lust and all this stuff, and it would scare me. And I'm like, okay, um, if this is the case, yeah, I don't think, I don't think this is right.
You know? Um, and there's actually, there's a verse here that I want to read, , that actually, uh, convicted me hardcore. Um, In Romans 1, , at the end of it, it's, it's talking about God's wrath on unrighteousness. Um, and some people say, you know, homosexuality isn't in the Bible and, you know, God doesn't, God doesn't touch on that.
And it's right here in Romans 1 at the end of it. So, uh, let's see. Verse, we, we can start in verse 28. It says, and even as they did not like to retain God and their knowledge, God gave them over to a based mind to do those things which are not fitting, being filled with all in righteousness, sexual immorality.
Wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness, full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil mindedness. They are whispers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, bolsters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful, who knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death.
And not only are they deserving of death, but they who do the same, they approve of those who practice 
[00:45:43] Terry: them. 
[00:45:45] Iris: And there's a Here, uh, verse 24 through 25, which says, Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanliness and the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves. Verse 25, Who exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshipped and served the creature, rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever.
Amen. And so yeah, man, it's, it's, it's wild. And then, uh, in verse 26 to 27, I might as well had just started up there, but in verse 26, 27, it talks about, and it says, for this reason, God gave them up to vile passions for even their woman exchanged the natural use of. For what is against nature. Likewise, also, the men leaving the natural use of the woman burned in their lust for one another.
Men with men committing what is shameful and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error, which was due. And so for me, I read that when I was in homosexuality and I was asking God like, is this right? Is this wrong? What's going on? Um, you know, I would even ask the question, how is this wrong? If I love her, I don't wanna hurt her.
All these things. And uh, God just. Like, told me straight up, this is what my word says, it's either you believe my word or you don't. Um, I remember this one day actually, uh, I was at her house, and um, before this I, I, I knew how to hear God, I knew the Holy Spirit could speak to me. Um, but even as I was in this, I was like, I'm not worthy to hear God's voice, so I wonder if He will speak to me.
And so, I remember, Literally blinking and I saw this like vision of these two words and it was the word gay There was a little dash and it was deception and I remember just thinking like I wouldn't Put that in my own brain, you know, I wouldn't want to think about that because I wanted to live in my sin.
If anyone ever tells you, you know, they, they hate it, their sin and all this stuff. No. And you're in sin. You, you love it. You know, that's why we sin. 
[00:47:49] Terry: Yeah. It 
[00:47:50] Iris: feels good. But as we know, as believers, like what feels good doesn't mean it is good for us, for our spirits, for our souls. Um, so yeah, God just kind of.
Knocked me down with that just told me like, you know It's either you believe my word or you don't and at the end of Romans where it talks about, you know Not only do you do these things but you approve of those who practice these things as well And I felt like the Lord asked me would you be okay if your siblings were in a homosexual relationship?
And I said absolutely not absolutely not and I believe the Lord just told me Told me like, so why are you and I'm like, all right, this is this is it. This is I know what I need to do I didn't want to hurt someone. I didn't want to, uh, be that reasoning for someone, uh, getting their heart broken, I guess.
And so the Lord kept telling me to break up with this girl and I'm like, Oh, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Um, and so I'm like, God, I come to a place where I'm like, Lord, I don't want to hurt her. So have her break up with me, have her do it. And I can handle that because I know what you're calling me to do.
So have her break up. How about that? You know, I'm wrestling with God and God just sits me down one day and I'm asking God this again and he's just basically just telling me like, , so I, I say, God, have her break up with me. I don't want to do it. Um, I don't want to hurt her. And God says, you are already hurting her because you're dragging her to hell and yourself as well.
And when I heard that, I'm just like, wow, all right, Lord. Okay, I need, I need to do this. Like, and I felt like I was just telling me, like, I'm calling you to do this. I'm not calling her to do this. Um, and I just had to be obedient. And so I ended that in April of 2019. And, um, Yeah, just continue living for God kind of rekindling that relationship with the Lord and here we are.
So, yeah, wow. 
[00:49:51] Terry: Well, for, for sharing that Iris. Um, man, so, so many questions come to my mind as, as, as you speak about that. You know, one of them that comes to my mind is you hear people all the time say, you know, when, when it comes to homosexuality that, Oh, I was just born this way. Right. And for you. I mean, I think you kind of hit the nail on the head as far as isn't that word deception, right?
And, and so for you, would you agree that you were born this way that, that you had tendencies like that? Or would you say that now this was just straight up spiritual warfare? And, and, and just lies that the enemy was pumping into me. 
[00:50:34] Iris: Yeah. So I, what I would say to that, uh, when people say I'm born like this or, you know, this, this is how I made or whatever the case is.
Um, I, I think, I think, yes, they're right. You know, we are born into sin. We are shaped in iniquity. And so for me, I know that I was born into sin. And so I wouldn't, I wouldn't go, I wouldn't go as far as to say I was born like that. I was born gay or whatever. Um, but I, I would say, , I was born into sin and, um, whatever that sin looks like for, Toward that specific person's, uh, generation, because, you know, every, everything comes from, from what your ancestors did or whatever, whatever they struggled with.
And so I, I don't believe, , that what I struggled with my great, great, great grandmother didn't struggle with, you know? Um, and so I know I was born into sin and, , I know that as an adult now knowing Jesus, I know that, um, I, I was, I, we are going to struggle with sin. We are going to struggle with things until Jesus returns, until he comes back.
And so, uh, yeah. 
[00:51:42] Terry: So what stands out to me, Iris, is that it, it's almost like your identity was under attack Yeah. Pretty much from day one, right? Like right out of your mom's womb, even before that, you know, your mom was in, you know, a homosexual lifestyle. And then right out of the womb here, you are, you know, being adopted multiple times, right?
You know, not having mother figures at certain times or dad figures at certain times and, you know, moving to different areas, having to make new friends, figuring out who you are, it's almost like the, the enemy has been attacking your identity. Since day one, because he knew that you'd get to where you are now being safe, being secure, being affirming your identity in Christ.
And so does it feel that way for you to Iris? Like, as, as you look back now, you know, at, at, you know, specifically the homosexual lifestyle, like, do you see that as like, man, that was just an attack against my identity. 
[00:52:38] Iris: Yeah, for sure. Yeah, definitely. Um, I look back at it all the time because I know that we overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony.
And so, 
[00:52:47] Terry: um, 
[00:52:48] Iris: even given my testimony now, I, I, I just, I love, I love speaking about it. I love sharing it because I know what it did for me. I know what Jesus did for me. Um, and so, yeah, , I, I, I definitely do know that back then I would always ask the question, like I said, why, why, why this, why that, why, why am I here?
Why was I made? What is my purpose? All these things. And I believe the Lord had his hand over my life this entire time, but the enemy also had a plan as well. Um, so Jesus has a plan, but. The enemy has a plan as well. And so, um, yeah, I, I, I know that the enemy, um, just was attacking me from day one since, you know, before I was born and when I was born and, um, all this stuff, um, and trying to confuse me with.
the worldly ways of things and, um, calling, uh, good evil and evil good. And, you know, so, um, but now walking in the light of Jesus and walking in the light of, of the Lord and in righteousness, um, it's freeing for sure. , and life with Jesus isn't easy. It isn't always easy. You know, you have to make decisions and take a stand for righteousness when maybe everyone around you is saying, like, this isn't right.
And it's like, wait, I thought you were on my side. Like, and you know, so, , yeah, but, but, you know, as, as, you know, being a believer and living for Christ, it's, it's not easy, but it's always right. And it's always good. And. Yeah. Christ, Christ is enough. So 
[00:54:19] Terry: amen. Amen. What was it like for you, uh, Iris walking out of that lifestyle?
Like, did it just feel like an immediate release of just like, okay, like the, that old me is gone. You know, the new is here or were there things that you had to kind of process through or just like kind of a purification, uh, season of life? Like what was, Yeah. Yeah. Maybe those first couple weeks or first couple months leaving the homosexual lifestyle like for you.
[00:54:50] Iris: Yeah, so for me So I left that lifestyle and I just said no more officially done with it turn my back on sin and actually leading up to it or after, after having ended things with her, um, I remember having this word on my heart called ignite and I didn't know why I had the word ignite on my heart, but then walking around campus, I heard people say, Hey, you should come to this worship night, , called ignite night here at this church.
And I'm like, yo, I think I'm going to go to that. 
[00:55:24] Terry: So, 
[00:55:25] Iris: um, I showed up there and I love worship nights. I love when it's just a night of just worship and stuff. Singing and music and everything so it was like that and then at the end of it they prayed And they said, you know if anyone needs prayer come on up and so at the time No one knew about what I was going through.
No one knew what I had been through or anything And so I go up just you know to receive prayer not saying anything and one of the elders of the church the deacons He speaks into my life and he says, this next season of your life is going to be a season of separation. , he said, think of it as a, he gave me an analogy.
So he said I was going to be like a turtle and I was going to be in the shell. And until the Lord wanted to release me, I would slowly make my way out and, and just do my thing. And I'm like, okay, this, this guy doesn't know anything about me, but okay. And so I start weeping, crying, crying, and he was right.
That those next couple of months, it was a season of separation. I had no texts coming through to my phone, no calls. Um, no one checking up on me, nothing. It was literally a season of isolation. Um, I normally go to Georgia, like I mentioned every year with my family. And for some reason, I think this was God speaking to my mom, but I don't think she knew God was speaking to her on my behalf.
And she told me, no, I'm not allowed to go. I have to find a job and get a job. And, um, normally my mom wouldn't say something like that. And so I knew that it was God, like having his will be done, you know, shutting doors on my behalf. Um, and, and I knew that the Lord wanted to rekindle our relationship with one another, um, with him and I, um, and to, and to have me get back on that, you know.
father daughter relationship. And so, um, for the month of May until end of June, beginning of July, um, yeah, I would literally cry every single night. And I remember even saying these words and I remember saying, God, I don't want you, but I know that you're the only thing that can help me. And looking back here, even hearing myself say that is like crazy to even think because God is good all the time, no matter what we go through, no matter what's happening.
And so God is gracious. He is so gracious. He is so merciful. Um, and you know, just him being patient with me during that time. Um, I literally felt like David where I would just cry and cry and cry every single day. I'm like a baby every night, nights were worse. Um, but I, I, I cried out to God every single, every single night, every single day, even though I still wanted that relationship, my flesh still wanted that past stuff.
And, um, that's all I knew for four ish months. Um, and so I wanted the old, I wanted the comfort, you know, , and what I was going through wasn't comfortable, but. I, I knew that God was the only one that could take me out of this, that could help me. Um, and he was right. He was right, of course, because he's God.
And so, um, by the end of June, beginning of July, um, I felt, I felt myself breaking out of this shell. , I felt the Lord really, um, setting me free and delivering me from the mindsets and the homosexuality and the, you feelings and all this stuff, the emotions and everything that came with, , the past, , and even being tied to this girl emotionally, just all this stuff was just, it was toxic.
It was really toxic. And, um, the Lord just set me free from all of that back then. And, um, at the time I had a friend and he shared with me, he's like, I shared with him what had happened, and he shared with me that this entire time he knew I was home, but he felt like God was telling him not to message me, not to call me.
Sometimes he would even pick up his phone to go and message me, and he felt like God was telling him, no, don't do it. And he didn't. And so I'm like, wow, God is so good and cool in that, that, um, even before coming home, uh, what was prophesied over me came, came to pass and came true. Um, and God had me in the season of isolation so that I could get to know him more so that I could really heal from, from this past stuff that I put myself through and, um, went into.
And, uh, and even from my childhood, different things that has happened. And so, yeah, but God is so good and, uh, I'm, I'm so grateful to him. 
[01:00:09] Terry: Amen. Amen. I mean, it, it sounds like, yeah, he, he was dead set on, Hey, Iris, this is just you and me right now. Like no one else, like this is a season where it's just you and I.
Let me heal you, let me transform you, let me, you know, restore you. And you said by, you know, kind of towards the end of July there, beginning of August, you were starting to feel that release from things. And so that was 2019 Iris. 
[01:00:38] Iris: Yeah. So this was, yeah. So 2019 of, uh, May, June. 
[01:00:43] Terry: So then, you know, here we are 2023, you know, in these last four or five years, however long it's been, I'm horrible at math, um, is, is that something that you feel like Yeah.
I am completely free from, you know, haven't had any temptations or thoughts or anything like that. Or is it still, um, a battle at certain times at certain seasons of your life that you have to, you know, kind of dig into the trenches and, and go to war against, uh, those tactics of the enemy. 
[01:01:16] Iris: Yeah. So right now in my life, I can say I don't, I don't have those, those Those things.
I don't, I don't have, um, as, as much of a, of a strong temptation that I did back then. 
[01:01:29] Terry: Um, 
[01:01:30] Iris: but I do believe that as, as believers and knowing what we've come from, um, I do believe that there are still temptations that come. And so for me, um, I know that the enemy tries to drop different, you know, thoughts here and there and, and, and different like temptations and, and feelings are different things.
And I have to start to, to, To question and not even question, but take my thoughts captive, um, as the word says, you know, take your thoughts captive and make it obedient to Christ. And so, , yeah, um, I I've come to realize that as we're on this earth and, and walking this life with Jesus as humans, um, before he returns, we will always have this, this, uh, the, the temptation of things that we've struggled with or, or been through in the past.
But, but. I realized that temptation is not sinning. So, Jesus, when he was baptized, The spirit literally led him into the wilderness. The spirit literally led him to go get tempted by the devil for 40 days. And so I think, I think sometimes, , as Christians and as Jesus followers, we can really, , think that, Oh, because I'm tempted, this is wrong.
This is sinning. And it's like, Actually, no, like being tempted is a part of the Christian journey, but falling into sin and giving into the temptation, that's where, you know, cause the Bible says God does not tempt anyone with evil. He is not that kind of God. And so, um, so yeah, so for me to answer your question, um, yeah, there are moments and times and different things where I get tempted with either lust or homosexuality, um, or or depression or anxiety or, um, whatever the case is, um, doubt and, and, and insecurities, just all these little tactics, um, of the enemy of, of, of our past, especially when we come to a place of, um, you know, we, if, if we stop reading the word for, you know, I don't know a day or something, you know, like the Lord says to meditate on my word day and night And so I believe that literally means always like God wants to wants us to pray to him without ceasing like it says in Thessalonians And so, and, and, and I, I have this strong belief that there is a reason as to why it says that, because the Lord knows that we are in a spiritual battle.
We are in a spiritual warfare as his children, as his kids. And, um, he, he wants us to have his word ingrained in our hearts, like it talks about in Ecclesiastes. And so, yeah, I, I, I know that God has, has such a plan for, for us. , Even through temptation and even in those seasons of temptation or whatever.
So, 
[01:04:19] Terry: yeah, I love that. And, you know, Iris, as you were talking about the temptations of, of, of sin, I thought about this quote from Chris Vallotton. He said that we are not defined by the temptations that we resist, but by the virtues that we embrace. And, and I just love that. I just love that. And, and I see that in you, um, of just wanting to embrace the virtues that, that, you know, Jesus has for you and Jesus has called for you.
And, you know, there may be someone listening to this Iris or watching this, that is struggling with homosexuality. Maybe they're just, you know, having homosexual thoughts or they're fully into that lifestyle. What would you want to say to them, Iris? 
[01:05:02] Iris: Yeah, yeah, I would say to that person first of all know that you're loved by God.
That's that's number one Number two know that God does not love your sin God does not love You being with the same sex. He does not have that planned for you. That is not a part of his divine design for your life Number two, I would say As far as you know, what what is it that You want to do with your life?
First of all, do you believe in God? That's that's the number one question because I think I think sometimes when people are going through homosexuality or any type of sin Or in any any of that. I think the number one question we forget to ask is the foundational, you know, do Do you believe in God? Do you believe in Jesus?
Um, and if you say yes, okay, so now, now we just go to his word. You know, what does his word say about homosexuality? What does his word say about not even just being with the same sex, but I think it even goes deeper as to who am I in Christ? What has God called me to do? And also it's not just homosexuality.
There's also other issues here. You know, it's not just the homosexual. Spirit, but it's also, you know, uh, an authority issue. Do you have, do you have problems with your, with your, with your earthly father or do you have problems with men in general? And if so, why, where did that originate from? And sometimes, you know, someone may have been molested or someone may have been raped or someone may have, you know, gone through certain situations as a kid or as a young adult.
And they don't deal with these issues, um, and they don't heal from those things. And then they turn to other things, whatever that may be, whether it's homosexuality or alcohol or drugs or whatever it is, binge eating, whatever. Um, and so, yeah, to, to speak to those that are, that are struggling with homosexuality and, and, and wanting to get out of it, I would say, the first question is, do you believe in God?
, and if you do just believe in his word, believe what his word says, you know, and He has so much more for, for you. He has so much more for, for what it is he wants to do in your life. And, um, yeah, I've, I've talked to some, some, some kids, um, in some young teens at some of our concerts actually. Um, and I would tell them the same thing, you know, it, it comes to That's really what it comes down to.
And for me, The Lord literally asked me like, it's either you believe in my word or you don't. There's two, two options here. And for me back then, I could have chosen to walk away from God. I've could have chosen to still be in that relationship. I, I've could have wholeheartedly chosen to stay in that, but it was a choice that I had to make.
Um, and so as we know, as believers, right? God's love is not forced. Um, recently I was studying a passage in Corinthians and it's talking about love. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy, does not boast. The first thing that love is, is patient. That's the first thing that Jesus is. Jesus is patient.
And so, however long it takes you to, to get your mind wrapped around his word, get your heart wrapped around what it is he wants for you, I think, I think we have to remember that God is patient, but he does not want us to stay in our sin because he knows that it'll kill us. And he knows that it's, it's killing us from the inside out.
Um, and, and the enemy knows that too, you know, the enemy wants you to think hell's not real, you know, it's, it's a fake place and you know, when you die, you're just going to see black. And when you die, you're just going to float or whatever the, whatever people's theologies are. But, um, I think Jesus was the one that preached about hell more than anyone.
And so, um, and, and not even just, just, just homosexuality being, being the issue, but I think it goes deeper to, to father, father issues. It goes deeper to family. Issues it goes deeper to what trauma did you deal with as a kid? What what did you go through as a as a young adult, you know? And so yeah, it comes to that But I would just say surrender all to God give him your everything and even in that season of of, of taking a break from relationships and, and you, you know, feel like you need to be clinging to people all the time, um, take that break from, from, from being relationally connected or like romantically is what I mean, um, with someone and take that break and be with the Lord.
You know, when you feel this temptation to want to call or text that person. Read the word. Pray. , , get in the secret place. And it doesn't even have to be a, a fancy place. It doesn't have to be a, a room that you go to or whatever. It can as simply as be, okay, on my break today at work, I'm gonna go in the bathroom and I'mma just pray.
I'mma go into my car and I'mma just pray. I'mma go behind the building where no one can see me and I'mma go in that secret place. secret place and in the, in the little crack where no one can see me and just pray to God and just talk to him. Because God wants to hear from us as his kids. And I think sometimes as Christians, we over spiritualize, um, the relationship with Christ.
Um, and so, yeah, I would just say to that person, like, get alone with God, really hear what he wants to say to you about this. Because if you really want to get out of it. You would, um, and, and also we can't do it on our own strength. For me, it wasn't just my choice and, and, and I had to do it on my own strength.
I believe back then when, when I, when I made the choice that, you know, God would help me and God would get me out of it, I knew that only Jesus could help me. And, um, later on I would, you know, go to the Bible, read it. There's a scripture in Corinthians where it says, , in our weakness, God is strong and his grace is sufficient.
And so God's grace is sufficient for you. Um, as believers, it's hard to believe in the word of God and then live that out. But as believers, God will give you that grace. He will give you that mercy. He will give you that, that push or that, um, The strength to continue to choose him over our flesh, to choose him over people, to choose him over sin, to choose him over homosexuality, or smoking, or weed, or drugs, or drinking, or whatever the case is.
And so, um, yeah, I think, It's a choice. It's, it's choosing Jesus over the world. It's choosing Jesus over what you're used to. , and one last thing I will say is the Holy Spirit is called the Comforter. And I believe the Holy Spirit is called the Comforter for a reason. He wants to comfort us in times of trouble.
He wants to comfort us in times where We may feel distressed or discouraged or overwhelmed or maybe this person keeps texting me keeps calling me Um, Lord, how do I get this person out of my life? The Lord will answer those prayers if you ask God to take someone out of your life that does not belong there He will do it Like that he will do it no doubt about it um And then but we have to continue to walk and not fall into the temptation of texting that person or calling that person Or unblocking them and calling them again or checking their instagram and seeing what they're posting and what they're up to No, let the lord deal with those people Let the lord deal with the people from your past and you continue to walk in what god has called you to do Um and called you to be um, because for me, I know god You Called me to break up with my ex girlfriend.
God didn't call her. God called me. And so God calls you out of the darkness. He calls you out of the world and he wants us to walk in his light and in his way and so that you can be a testimony to someone else that's going through the same thing that you're going through and who knows God Man, God wants to do so much so much with his children, but we just have to allow him to so yeah 
[01:13:19] Terry: Preach it, Iris.
My goodness. That was, that was straight fire right there. That was, that was amazing. I'm believing as people are listening to this, that the fire of the Holy Spirit is falling on them, that that conviction is falling upon them. But then, like you said, that the comfort of the Holy Spirit is falling upon them as well.
Cause he is, he's, he's comforter like, like he convicts us of our sins, but he doesn't just leave us there. Like he comforts us. Out of those sins as well. If, if, if, if we choose to, right, like you said, Jesus is a gentleman. He's not going to force his love on you, but if you choose to surrender, you know, you, you use that word a lot, surrender.
If you choose to surrender, God will so gently lead you out of that sin and, and lead you into everything that he has for you. And man, if, if you need evidence, Listen to this woman I'm talking to right now. Iris is, is full evidence of what it's like when you just allow God in to transform you. And if you're just obedient to what he's putting on your heart, he will take you places that you can't even imagine.
And, you know, Iris, that, that kind of leads us to, to the present day. So Christophari. You know, here you are in the band and what, what was that whole process like, as far as you joining the band? Um, I, I know that they've been around for, you know, 25, 30 years. And so, you know, how do you go from a college student to traveling literally the world in this awesome music ministry?
[01:14:51] Iris: Yeah, yeah. So actually it's a crazy story. Um, so after going back home from college, , I had to get a job. And so I went back to Amazon warehouse where I used to work before. Um, and then, uh, actually. No, I work at, um, I become a server at Crackle Barrel, a restaurant called Crackle Barrel. And um, within that whole time, God was teaching me so much about servanthood and what it means to be a servant and all this stuff.
And um, then COVID hit in March of 2020 and uh, our store shut down and we were called in every now and again for like online orders, but it wasn't anything serious. And so, um, I had to, um, I got laid off actually. Left that job and then reapplied to Amazon, worked at Amazon for a little bit and then uh, probably, probably March of 2000, literally when COVID hit, I felt like God told me to move to California and I'm like, okay.
Interesting that he would say that right when a pandemic hits. Um, very interesting, but I'm all about like, let's do what everyone else is saying not to do, like, especially if God says go. 
[01:16:07] Terry: Right. 
[01:16:07] Iris: And so I'm like, all right, let's do it. And so my friend at the time, we were both praying about this, talking about this.
And, um, I ended up flying out to Georgia, visiting my family, and then my friend at the time, she lived in Georgia, and so we drove from, from Georgia to Florida to her parents house, and then from Florida, we drove to California, and it took us about a week to get here. Um, But, uh, we took a week because we, we realized soon after that we're going on a kind of a road trip, so we might as well just see as much as we can while we're doing this.
And so, uh, we would make stops along the way, um, we lived in our car, we lived in Airbnbs, we lived in hotels, um, we would, We would literally sleep at like truck stops and stuff inside of our car, um, we even got a Planet Fitness gym membership just to shower at the gym, um, and different things. We would brush our teeth in like a parking lot of places and stuff, um, and yeah, and so I felt like the Lord told me to move there, but I, I'm like, Lord, we have no money.
Like how, how, how are we going to get a place or an apartment or something like this? How is this going to happen? How is this going to work? So I started to get overwhelmed with where, where the Lord had me. And I started to get like, kind of defeated in a sense. And, um, it wasn't until actually, Three years ago today, or three years ago yesterday, um, I left California.
I went back to New Jersey and I was just like, you know what? I'm overwhelmed. Like, I don't know how this is going to work. Um, and at the time we had an Airbnb rented out, um, for about two weeks and it was actually a little RV camper van. And it was really cool. It was really, really cool. Um, but I think we were in.
Actually, where I am now in California, it was probably like an hour drive from here. Um, and so anyways, I leave, I pack up my stuff, I leave, go back to New Jersey, get some boxes, ship some stuff back. And so I get back to New Jersey and I'm just like Lord, why did I just do that? Why did I come back here knowing that you called me to California, even though we had no type of plan, no type of anything, but why am I here?
And so I just start, you know, looking for jobs and looking for different things. And then Mark reach out, reaches out to me on Instagram and their sound engineer at the time saw a comment under one of a Gen Z for Jesus's post and they were looking for a dancer at the time. Mark. And, um, the sound engineer clicked on my profile, saw that I danced, and forwarded it to Mark and his wife.
And, um, Mark messages me, and he's like, Hey, you know, if you're interested, you know, come, and, and we would love to, to, to, you know, You know, get to know you, get to see you, all this stuff. If you know anything about Mark Moore, that's the first thing he'll send you is a voice memo. He will not text you. He will send you a voice, voice note.
And, uh, just, you know, saying, Hey, we see your Instagram. You know, we see you can dance. We're looking for a dancer. We would love to have you on. Try us out. See what you think. And immediately I'm thinking, okay. And they're based in California. The Lord called me to California. Interesting. And so the first person I tell is my little brother Shahid.
And he's like, you should totally go for it. And I'm like, okay, but I'm praying on it. And so I just start praying on it. The night before I call them and we talk, um, I just asked God, like, you know what, Lord, help me, help me to know what it is you want me to do. Cause I don't want to go into anything that, you know, you, you, you're not calling me to.
And so, um, I go to bed, , and mind you before that, I deleted Instagram once. Mark reached out because I'm like, Hey, I don't know. I don't really have the funds right now. I'm back in Jersey. Um, we'll, we'll see what the Lord says and I'll pray about it. And so I deleted Instagram cause I didn't want it to be a distraction.
And so I just prayed and kind of fasted from social media, um, for a couple of days and I go to bed and I'm like, And I felt like I could not sleep. And I felt like God said, Check your Instagram. So I checked my Instagram. And um, Mark messaged me again, said, Any word from above? You know, did God say anything?
What's going on here? And so he gives me his number. I ended up texting him back like, Hey, are you guys up now? I would love to talk to you. And I FaceTimed them. They share their ministry with me, everything they're about. And then I share my testimony with them. Um, you know, my background, everything like that.
And, uh, yeah. And then he's like, okay, how soon can you come out? And I'm like, right now, like today. And so, yeah, , I had boxes in the front of my, my, my door were the ones I shipped from California. And, uh, I, It was only, I want to say three days, that Mark messaged me after I had come, came back to New Jersey.
Um, and I'm just like, wow, Lord, you're so good. You're so, so good. If I would have just waited a little bit longer, you know, it, yeah. So, this goes to show, like, God still answers, you know, prayers. And, and, and God, when God opens a door, like, no man can shut it. That, that is true. Because, um, When God told me to move to California, I went back to New Jersey, overwhelmed with my human mind and everything and just everything and, um, the Lord still sent me back anyways.
And so, it was just really cool. Um, I had 36 in my bank account and, um, had no way of getting back. I remember even having so much faith. I'm like, Lord, you know what? If you want to, if you want me to go back to California, if, if, if there's a ticket for like 20, I will buy it in faith, believing that someone will pick me up from the airport.
I don't know who, but you know, you'll send someone to come get me or something. Um, and, and something will come out of that. So, um, but the Lord sent Christ to Farai, he sent Mark to reach out and, um, he said, Hey, don't worry about it. You know, we'll, we'll give you housing, we'll, we'll house you in our home, um, provide you with that.
Um, and yeah, and, and so come out and then they tell me, Hey, this is actually a ministry. So you have to raise support. Um, and even till this day, I'm still not fully funded, uh, still raising support, still trying to, to, to get, you know, different financial supporters and different things. Um, but yeah, I've been here for almost three years now.
It'll be three years next month, um, November 6th. Um, and so it's been a wild, wild journey, but, uh, God is faithful. 
[01:22:51] Terry: Wow. That that's incredible. Iris, that is absolutely incredible. And man, I mean, it's been three years and it seems like you guys are, are always, you know, onto the next tour, always onto the next, like, uh, amazing place.
I mean, have you kind of kept track of like how many different countries, continents you've been to, uh, or do you have any like, uh, moments, experiences that, that really stand out to you as far as like, Whoa, that, that was pretty cool. 
[01:23:22] Iris: Yeah, , well, we just recently, uh, we came back from Kenya, uh, back in September and it was, or sorry, back in September, what am I saying?
Um, yeah, yeah, September, yeah, yeah, we, we went to Kenya in September. See, I, we go to so many places, I'm like, my mind is like, what's going on? Yup. Um, but yes, uh, Kenya was awesome. an amazing experience. We got to partner with a band called Toondem Band, um, and they are on a couple of our records. They're on a couple of our songs, um, but I got to meet some of the band officially in person because some of Christ Sofari has met them before, , but me being one of the newer, uh, members, um, yeah, I, I had, I hadn't met them in person.
So it was really cool doing ministry with them, doing some concerts with them. , feeding the Maasai tribe going there. Um, the Maasai tribe is, is this really small tribe in, in Kenya. , And, uh, they are, they are something I tell you, they are some thing, literally just look up Maasai tribe on Google and you'll, you'll know what I'm talking about.
Um, but yeah, uh, Kenya was, was an amazing experience. I, I want to go back actually. Um, and Alaska was beautiful. Loved Alaska. It was. Beautiful, beautiful scenery. I haven't really kept track of all the places we've been to. Um, but good thing we have a Google calendar and everything's in there. So if I forget, I can just go back and look at it.
Um, but I think since being in the band, I think I've been to maybe 10 countries, 10 or 10, 10 or 12 countries or something like that. 
[01:25:05] Terry: That's incredible. That's incredible. The places God will take you when you're just obedient to him. Right. 
[01:25:10] Iris: When you're just, I'll be, Hey, I'm just saying be obedient to God, guys.
And he'll send you places. 
[01:25:16] Terry: Right. Right. And I, I, I saw on, on your Instagram, Iris, that, you know, as I said at the beginning, you play bass, but it sounds like that's a relatively new thing that you've gotten, gotten into. So tell us about that. What, what led you to picking up the bass? 
[01:25:33] Iris: Yeah, so, um, joined Christafari as a, a background vocalist and, , dancer.
And, um, at the time, Ziza had a nanny. And so, um, but her nanny at the time, she wanted to go back to, to Bible college. And so she shared that with me and she said how, you know, me coming in at the time was just very perfect, got timing and everything. And, uh, me and Zisa were already connecting and all this stuff.
And so when January rolled around or December, end of December, um, she ended up leaving the ministry and her parents, Zisa's parents asked me, Hey, do you want to, you know, be her nanny, homeschool teacher, um, pray about it before you give us an answer. And before they even asked, I knew what the Lord was telling me.
I knew what the Lord wanted me to do. And so I told them, yes, immediately. I said, I already prayed about this before you guys even asked me. And so, um, Yeah, I already know the answer's yes, um, and this is what God wants me to do, so I want to be obedient to what he's telling me. And so, uh, I become our teacher, um, and, and nanny, and, , from that point on, we, we had a bassist at the time, Nikita, and, , Avion.
Avion played with Christ Christ for years and years and years, uh, since marrying Mark about 20 years, 20 plus years ago or something like that. And, um, so yeah, they had Avion, they had Nikita. And also our guitarist, he plays like all instruments. And so if something happened, he could just jump on bass, you know, so they didn't really need me to learn bass, but, but I had this desire, I had this inkling to learn.
Um, and so I, I, for some reason I kept getting drawn to the bass. I kept getting drawn to want to, want to learn from Nikita. And so, uh, you know, Other than being my spiritual mentor, uh, she started to teach me things on the bass. She started to teach me a couple of Christafari songs and different things.
And I, I, I, I started to grow to love the bass and I would get comments like, you know, why are you, why are you learning this? Like we already have two bases. We don't need a third and all these things. Even Mark himself would say that. And then later on, uh, Nikita ends up marrying our videographer at the time.
Um, they moved to Trinidad. And little did or actually Mark and Avion didn't know this, but I was secretly practicing bass. Um, and not, you know, it wasn't a wrong thing, but it was just like, I just, you know, I would pick it up in my free time and actually it was contributing to the ministry because I was practicing songs and I would.
You know, continue to listen to the Christafari song so that I could be better at, you know, singing them and dancing to them or whatever. Yeah. But, um, but yeah, so I would practice on bass, learn what Nikita has taught me or whatever. Um, and then one day they're like, Hey, uh, let me see, let me see you do it.
And so I start to play. And they're like, okay, all right. And so when Nikita ends up officially leaving the band, um, I was given this, this opportunity to become the second bassist. Um, and so I said yes to, to the job. I said yes to, to the call. And, , just started. Learning more, more, more of Christ Before I Songs.
I actually had two weeks to learn about eight songs, um, of ours. And this was before Brazil, our Brazil tour, which was last February, last year February. Um, and so I had December to learn, um, after Argentina. So we went to Argentina in December. We got back maybe the 14th. I flew out to Jersey the 15th. I had to start practicing the 16th until the 30th of December and then, uh, spent some days in, in Hawaii and then flew back to California and then flew out to Brazil.
Early on, uh, before the entire band, um, and then, uh, yeah, I spent some time practicing. So before I went to Brazil, I actually had to learn the songs, um, for practice because practice time is actually a time where we come together and we practice the songs. It's not a time to learn the songs together. It's a time to come together.
You know the songs. Okay. Let's tighten this up. Let's practice this. Let's get this right. And so, uh, yeah, so I had a little bit of time to learn a lot of Christify on bass and I didn't know anything about music theory. I still know little to nothing about music theory. Um, But I learned from just different videos, tutorial videos that our guitarist would send me, um, different videos Nikita would send me, um, and different things Avion would show me on the bass here at home.
Um, and yeah, and so I just grew to love, love the bass and, and yeah, it's, it's, it's a beautiful instrument, so. 
[01:30:27] Terry: Yeah. Well, man, I mean, I, I would have never known that you're pretty nude to the base, just watching you guys, uh, in aisle there back in August. I mean, you were just ripping on that thing. And I, I, I, I call it base face.
You know, it, it seems like a lot of base players, like when they get into it, like they just kind of get that. You know, kind of that face going, just like, yeah, I'm feeling this. And, and you had that a couple of times and it was just so awesome to see. And, uh, again, like I'd never heard of Christ to far I before.
And honestly, I'm not saying this just because, uh, I'm talking to you out of that. Day that I was there, you were, you're, you guys are my favorite act. Um, you know, in, in multiple ways, not just musically, but just the energy that you brought, the message that you shared. Um, I came away a fan and I remember leaving there, driving home.
I had about an hour and a half drive and I was just listening to Christafari the whole time and, uh, this elevator's going up. It's still my favorite song of your guys's. And, uh, it's, it's, it's just amazing. Uh, again, just you being obedient. To God, you saying, yes, I'll go to California. Here you are traveling the world.
What has been the most rewarding part of being part of Christafari? 
[01:31:41] Iris: I think seeing people lift their hands at concerts. Um, and then as far as to say, after the concerts, when we're able to talk to some people one on one, um, and just to hear their stories and hear what, what the music has done for them and through the music, what God is doing in their heart and in their soul and in their spirit.
Um, but yeah, just, you know, people giving their lives to Christ. That's really what this is about. Our vision statement is actually reaching the lost at any cost and making disciples of all nations. And so, you know, no matter who it is. And, and where you're from or where, you know, where, where you come from and everything we want to give the gospel to people, um, and everywhere we go, no matter where we are, no matter how, you know, small the crowd is, no matter how big the crowd is, um, Mark gives the gospel every time.
And so, um, yeah, it's, it's, it's a beautiful thing. Um, and it's. What's rewarding about it is seeing people say yes to Jesus, uh, seeing people say yes to Jesus that have been through suicidal thoughts and, um, drug addicts and just all these things, you know, we're able to even connect with people from different cultures and meet different people from different places.
And it's, it's, it's definitely, yeah, I would say that's rewarding. Getting to know more people, new people, and seeing them say yes to Jesus. So 
[01:33:04] Terry: reach the lost at any cost. I love that. I love that. That's what it's all about. Right. The great commission and what, as you kind of look at. Your next five, 10 years, Iris, obviously you're, you're a young woman, lot of life left to live.
What are your dreams? What are your hopes? What are your aspirations? Do you have any specific, or are you more so just like, you know what? I'm just. I'm on this ride. I'm letting the Holy Spirit lead this thing and we'll see where it goes. 
[01:33:34] Iris: It's kind of a mixture of both. So I'm definitely on this ride on this thing, you know, wanting the Holy Spirit to lead me.
Um, but I definitely have desires, , and, and different things that I want to do. So like I told you, um, I definitely would love to start a podcast, , and just open up the space for people to, um, just for, for, for to have a conversation and biblically. Biblically based, um, tell my testimony, , and just to, you know, let people know about Jesus, but to, to open up the space and the conversation for people to, um, have conversations, um, in their homes, in their cars, in their workplace, , in different spaces where they are, um, and whatever that looks like, you know?
And so, yeah, I, I, I have this like, This like dream, this vision for that, um, and, and I, I know that I have a desire and a passion for God's word. Um, and so, uh, yeah, just wanting to cultivate that in any way that the Lord will lead me to maybe go to seminary school at some point. I don't know. We'll see, um, that, that may be, you know, in the future, I'm not sure yet.
 But, uh, yeah, we're not sure. So we'll see, we'll see what happens. Um, but yeah, I, I have that desire, have that, that, you know, that, that passion or whatever, that dream, if you can say. Um, but I also have, have a desire and a passion, um, for kids. I love kids. Uh, and we actually had a chance to visit Madagascar.
And so when we went to Madagascar, Um, I saw a lot of orphans on the streets. Um, I saw a lot of kids begging for money, begging for food. Um, and that, that opened up my heart more to orphans and actually I'm an orphan. So it was just, it was, it was beautiful to see, you know, like. Wow. Like these orphans are just on this, on, on the streets, but I felt like God gave me a heart for the orphans.
Um, and I, you know, I would love to work with an orphanage one day and different things like that. Um, and then also I desire to be married one day. Um, I desire to have my own family, um, kind of, uh, uh, break this, this curse of homosexuality, break this curse of, of, of, you know, growing up in a broken home and you have to stay in that brokenness.
And, and I don't believe that. I believe that if. You know, God's giving you a desire. Um, it says, you know, delight yourself in the Lord and he'll give you the desires of your heart. And so, uh, yeah, I, I know that, you know, in his timing, um, he'll, he'll bring that person and, and he'll have me, you know, do whatever he wants me to do, uh, regarding that aspect of marriage and everything.
Um, but I do know in the singleness season, uh, he's teaching me to, to trust in him, to rely on him and to not idolize. These things that I so want in the future, but to live in the present with him. So, 
[01:36:23] Terry: wow, that's, that's amazing Iris. And I'm, I'm believing all those things for you. I'm believing that God will meet, uh, each and every one of those desires for you.
And this has been, this has been amazing Iris. Thank you so much for being gracious with your time. I just. Love your story. I love how God is just all over it. And just, it's again, like the, the word that that comes to my mind is just the obedience, right? The obedience to leave the homosexual lifestyle, the obedience to, you know, go to California, the obedience to go back to California after going to New Jersey.
Uh, just obedience after obedience after obedience and, um, I, I, the goodness of God is just so evident in your story as, as you reflect on that, Iris, my final question for you, when you think about the goodness of God in your life, what stands out to you? 
[01:37:18] Iris: Wow. Um, I think the first thing that, that people would think are good things, right?
Things that we want that comes to pass in our life, but I think also too. It's the hurt that happens. Um, and, uh, even, you know, if I'm dealing with, with something, um, like anxious thoughts or fear of the future or different things like that, I think I can see the goodness of God because when he delays something or he, uh, , , , he makes us wait and be patient.
I think. I think of the goodness of God even in that, because I know that He's working behind the scenes. Even if we can't feel it, or even if we can't see it actually happening, I know that God is a God of, of, of behind the scenes, and He works, and He connects the dots, and He does all of His intertwining, and maybe He didn't want this to happen, because this was going to happen there, and so He wants everything to work out, you know?
Um, and so He works it out, behind the scenes. Um, but also, you know, the goodness of God, also good things, you know, um, just being here in this ministry, being, being able to, to be like a big sister to Zisa and to see her grow and mature, um, and, um, Yeah, being able to play bass and learn music from some of the best musicians I know in this, in this, in this ministry, um, being able to, , travel the world, see God's creation, meet new people, um, And yeah, and, and also, um, too, I, I think something that I was thinking about the other day is, uh, in heaven, right, we will not be able to suffer.
It's, it's, it's a given, you know, there's no tears, there's no crying, there's no mourning. There's none of that. Um, and so here on earth, this is actually an opportunity for us to suffer. greatly to suffer in a patient way to suffer in a good way because we know that there's there are better things coming for us there are better things coming in the future and and what god has planned for for our lives and for his coming and everything and so um yeah um let's suffer well as christians let's do this thing um of course suffering is never you know good but but but you know i know that it's It's, it's good for us, um, in the end of it because in that suffering, that's when we really know, okay.
Jesus, you're here. You know, that's when you really grab a hold of your faith. When things don't go your way, when things look horrible, that's when the goodness of God is really proven to be true in your life. Because everything looks upside down and backwards and you're like, what is going on? What's happening?
How is this happening? How did I let this happen or whatever? And it's like, no, like, you know, allow God to just speak to you and continue to walk in his truth and in his word. Yeah, so, that's what I would say. 
[01:40:22] Terry: That's a word. That's a word right there. And, uh, again, Iris, this has been absolutely incredible.
Where can people follow you to keep up with your journey? 
[01:40:32] Iris: Yeah, so, uh, on my Instagram, uh, I'm at hiitsiris. So, H I I T S. My name, I R I S. Um, same thing for YouTube. Same thing for Twitter. Um, and yeah, I, I post some blogs here and there on my YouTube channel. I post some spoken words on my YouTube channel.
Um, and sometimes some teachings of God's word on there. So yeah. 
[01:40:57] Terry: Well, I'll, I'll link all that in the show notes so people can find that easily. I want to give people an opportunity to help support you, Iris. You mentioned that here you are three years in California, you're not fully funded yet. How can people give to you in your ministry?
[01:41:12] Iris: Yes, so if you go to christofari. com slash donate, um, you just click on, uh, give as guest and then you click on, um, it'll say most needed fund. You click on that and then you drop down to my name, Iris Spence. Um, and then you can either click weekly or monthly, um, or a one time gift and you can give like that and then you just type in the amount that you want to and yeah.
[01:41:42] Terry: There it is. Well, again, I'll link that in the show notes so people can find that. It's so important guys. Let's support Iris. Let's support Christafari's mission. You guys are literally being the hands and feet of Jesus and bringing the gospel to the nations, right? And so Iris, I'm just blown away by what God has done in you.
You are A curse breaker. You are a chain breaker. You are a hope giver. You are a beacon of joy. I feel that I sense that just, you know, across the screen here. Um, you're amazing and God has nothing but amazing things in store for you. Things that will just continue to blow your mind at how good he is and how much he loves you.
So Iris be blessed. Thank you again so much for coming on the show. 
[01:42:30] Iris: Thank you. Thank you so much.