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Continued Faith > Cystic Fibrosis2/7/2023 If you haven’t read Abbe’s blog from last week, make sure to check it out before you read this blog. She did a wonderful job of giving you an insight into what it’s like living with Cystic Fibrosis and I admire her courage and bravery in doing so. In this blog, I’m going to be giving you the perspective of what it’s like being the spouse of someone who has CF. When I first met Abbe in 2010 and she told me had CF, I had never heard of it before. Admittedly, I’m pretty ignorant when it comes to anything related to the medical field-I think I initially thought cystic meant “terminal,” and I had no idea what the heck a fibrosis was! Being ever-so patient with me, she told me how it affects her lungs, that she has to take a lot of medications and wear a vest that shakes her up. It sounded like a lot of work to take care of herself, but I didn’t think much of it. Then January 2011 happened. Abbe and I had just met up at a Caribou Coffee and had “the talk” where we decided we weren’t at a place where we could be dating. I was a pretty new Christian at the time and didn’t think I could lead a relationship…especially since I had never been in one before! But a few days after our talk, Abbe was hospitalized in the Twin Cities for a number of health problems that all stemmed from Cystic Fibrosis. She was there for 21 days and it was then that I was awakened to just how serious Cystic Fibrosis is. I think after the second day of her hospitalization we had thrown out the “we can’t be texting every day” rule we had made at Caribou! I couldn’t help it-I cared about her and I needed to know what was going on and how she was doing. I even lied (forgive me Jesus!) about needing to pick up a part for my dad in the Twin Cities just so I could stop by and visit her in the hospital, under the guise of “being a good friend.” I think deep down, though, we both knew I was there because I cared about her in a “more than a friend” way!
When we started dating later that year and spent more time together, I got a deeper glimpse into what her life with CF was like. I remember going over to where she was living at the time and seeing her wear her physiotherapy vest for the first time. It had two tubes that plugged into a machine and the thing was LOUD. She was simultaneously using a nebulizer to take a medication, so it was doubly LOUD. But seeing her do her treatments didn’t scare me or intimidate me. It actually unlocked another level of love in my heart for her. I knew then that I wanted to be the one to help take care of her. I remember having a conversation with Abbe’s mom a month or two later where I let her know that I didn’t care that Abbe had CF-I just wanted to love her and take care of her. Throughout our engagement, Abbe would often remark that I didn’t know what I was getting myself into by marrying her. And to a certain extent, she was right. When you’re not spending most of your days together, it’s easy to “put on a face” so that you enjoy the time you do spend together. You hang out for a few hours, then you both go home. But once we were married and spending everyday together, I was again awakened to the reality of Abbe’s health situation. She deals with pain and discomfort on a daily basis, along with the coinciding depression and anxiety that comes with that. I know it’s exhausting for her to deal with that everyday, and to be honest, it can get to be pretty mentally and emotionally draining for me at times too. It’s a pretty helpless feeling to see the person you love most be in pain or discomfort and there’s nothing you can do about it. As a man, I’m wired to be a “fixer”-if there’s a problem, it needs to be fixed! But there isn’t a single thing I can do in the physical realm that would remove CF from Abbe’s body. I can be a shoulder to lean into when hot tears from being in pain come rolling down her eyes, I can let her squeeze my hand as hard as she needs to as she bears through whatever part of her body is hurting most in that moment, and I can I speak words of affirmation and truth over her to remind her that she is more than a conqueror. But I can’t take the CF away from her. However, there is something I can do in the supernatural realm that can help. Not only can it bring another dimension of encouragement and hope, it can also completely remove the CF from her body and totally restore her health back to God’s original design for her. I can pray. I’ve spent a LOT of time in prayer for Abbe throughout our marriage. I never want to fall into the mindset that Abbe is just going to spend the rest of her life living with CF and all it’s associated problems. I don’t believe that’s Kingdom thinking. While that may be Abbe’s reality now, I know that Jesus is bigger than CF and can bring her healing anytime He wants to. So I pray. I pray daily for His healing to come upon her for her good and His glory. I pray for Abbe to experience her namesake-joy. I pray that the light of Christ would shine bright in her even in the midst of her difficult circumstances. …”So why hasn’t He answered your prayer yet”, you may ask? I’m not saying this to sound like I’m a “Super Christian,” but I can’t ever recall a time where I got upset or frustrated that Jesus hasn’t healed Abbe yet. I just know that His timing is perfect and He is NEVER late. I suppose I could choose to focus on the fact that after 33 years, He hasn’t healed her yet, but honestly, I’d rather focus on the possibility that today could be the day she gets her healing. And if not today, then maybe tomorrow. And if not this year, then maybe next year. There isn’t an aspect of Abbe’s life that Jesus has overlooked, so I will trust in His timing and His purpose for Abbe’s pain. A cool thing about being married to someone with CF is that it has increased my level of faith. I remember our first year of marriage when we’d get her medical bills in the mail, or she’d bring home the receipt from picking up her medications at the pharmacy-my anxiety would go through the roof seeing large dollar amounts printed on those white pieces of paper. We were essentially living off Abbe’s income during the first 1-2 years of marriage because I was in graduate school, so you can maybe understand why I would freak out about how we were going to be able to pay those bills! But Jesus provided-EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. We were never in need and our bills were always paid. Abbe has also been hospitalized a few times throughout marriage (thankfully none in the last 7-8 years). There was one particular hospitalization where instead of staying overnight with her like I typically would, I felt like I needed to go home and go to work that week. Abbe gave me her blessing to do that, but I felt broken by leaving her, and I SOBBED. Abbe has only seen me cry a handful of times throughout our time together, and that was definitely one of them. She looked so cute and innocent in her hospital bed and I didn’t want to be away from her. But I chose to be obedient to what I thought Jesus was telling me, and He reminded me that He is with her and can bring her more comfort than I ever could! She came home a few days later, received great care from the staff and felt Jesus’ peace that surpasses all understanding while there. Again, my faith increased. And even though depression and anxiety are very real things that Abbe battles, there is still a joy that emits from her. Her big brown eyes and that soft smile absolutely melt me. It’s a reminder that if she can have joy in the midst of her difficult circumstances, I can too. If she can go throughout her day-dealing with all she does-and still emit joy, then I have no excuse. She really inspires me to become a better man. So, is it easy being married to someone with CF? Not really. Is it worth it? Absolutely. When Abbe is feeling low, she’ll occasionally ask if I ever think what life would be like if I were married to someone who didn’t have CF. I can honestly say I’ve never thought about that because that would include thinking about being married to someone else besides Abbe, which has never been a thought that’s crossed my mind. What I do think about, though, is how amazing it’s going to be when Abbe receives her healing. No more pain. No more discomfort. No more medications. No more hours of physiotherapy. No more exhaustion. No more CF. “What if she doesn’t receive her healing until she’s in Heaven,” you may ask? Well, I don’t believe that will happen. But even if it does, I guess that means I’ll be spending eternity seeing her fully redeemed, fully restored and fully healed in all her glory. However and whenever she gets healed, it's going to be amazing!
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Leave a Reply.Terry SkaggsAs a licensed marriage and family therapist, listening, observing, and asking meaningful questions come naturally to me. But I felt called by the Lord to do more with my life, so I began interviewing people and sharing their incredible stories of transformation with the world. Archives
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